Stats pepul just found out that fasting is gud for longtivity, or living longer. We Induns have always nown it.
Here are some indian gud stuff ( that the pepul in stats scientists are only confirming now)
1. Start the day with smoth foods like milk or yugurt, not toxins like coffee
2. Fast at least 2 times a month as lean bodies release toxing far more effeciently
3. Do some form of low impact execrize like Yoga, swimming or brisk walking 3 times a week
4. Eat from the bottom of the food chain to live longer, eat veggies and if they are not available only then eat meats.
5. Hing is good for blood pressure
6. Haldi has so many benefits they are still trying to compile the lot, it has strong antiseptic properties
7. Pepul who think of the happiness of others live linger than the ones who are self indulgent..
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
Thou shall learn by heart and other such things
Maria Fernandes: Did you remember to to mug the Ancient marinier by heart tell the truth now or cane beatings I will use on you
Thappa: Sister, my neighbors dog ate the last page sister, when i ran after the dog the servant used the first three pages for drying the pakoras, When I went to tell my mother the jamadarni thre the book in the gutter. then I saw aiyah cleaning my small brothers kaakaa with the ancient mariner poem. sister I will buy a new buk tomorrow only and mug the poem. please sister
Afterwords Alpana told Thappa that he was a gone case to come to the class without mugging. She recommended I go home and give an abhishekam (to drench an idol with holi water before a prayer, if you ask a priest to do it he will require a bribe) to lord ganesan and ask for forgiveness before u tuurn into a Aghori (practitioner of a decipline that is deeper-then-the-deep and the-left-hand-personality. the aghoris have no dietary or sexual preferences and mean excessively indulgent people. socially looked down upon)
Ramesh: Why is Alpana wanting you to do abhishekan. What goodal(mishhief of the highest order) have you done this time.
Thappa gout tired of this nonesence: "Bus shut up you, you,. If you talk of this to anyone, I will tell everyone your dad wears those truken wale kache (striped cotton boxers worn traditionally by punjabis)
Hearing this Shobhana commented: "Oh Ma, your anger is sooo hot. I'm going to die."
Thappa retorted in bengali: "Chup Kor, neka gurl. Don't do this naykami (no english equivalent, used in bengal to give a healthy dose of charm mixed with annoyance)
Ramesh hurt by Thappa and wanting to empress the girls: "The bigjang (Chennai slang for person dressed in Western Hip clothes and using western hair cremes instead of traditional Thaliam) Thappa uses so much Brylcreme his your hand will fill with grese if you touched it.
Alpana: I think I no why Thappa gets away with this he knows the christian aunty (used for a catholic female neighbor who bakes cakes and cookies at home, sometimes make wine too. They normally wear skirts/frocks and dance the salsa. do not like to associate with desis) who lives next to miss Fernandez
Miklha Singh: "OOi! Thappa dont listen to all these PJ's (Poor Jokers, signifying lousy humor) by these panga (pujjabi slang used for an intent to create mischief )
Not wanting any external support Thappa retorted: "Ooi Miklha there Bara to nahin baj Gaye" (Bara baj gaya is to signigy 12 o clock when shikhs seemingly go mad. Many jones are made on sikhs and bara bak gaye. Sikhs can take offence when said by someone they dont know well)
Miklha: "Ooi, there sada saath to nahin baj gaya: (Sada Saath, or half past seven on a clock, signifying erectile disfunction- ise your imagination folks). "Tu ja kar upne demag ki Upgradation kar le" (Upgradation is a curious indian variation for upgrade)
Thappa: Sister, my neighbors dog ate the last page sister, when i ran after the dog the servant used the first three pages for drying the pakoras, When I went to tell my mother the jamadarni thre the book in the gutter. then I saw aiyah cleaning my small brothers kaakaa with the ancient mariner poem. sister I will buy a new buk tomorrow only and mug the poem. please sister
Afterwords Alpana told Thappa that he was a gone case to come to the class without mugging. She recommended I go home and give an abhishekam (to drench an idol with holi water before a prayer, if you ask a priest to do it he will require a bribe) to lord ganesan and ask for forgiveness before u tuurn into a Aghori (practitioner of a decipline that is deeper-then-the-deep and the-left-hand-personality. the aghoris have no dietary or sexual preferences and mean excessively indulgent people. socially looked down upon)
Ramesh: Why is Alpana wanting you to do abhishekan. What goodal(mishhief of the highest order) have you done this time.
Thappa gout tired of this nonesence: "Bus shut up you, you,. If you talk of this to anyone, I will tell everyone your dad wears those truken wale kache (striped cotton boxers worn traditionally by punjabis)
Hearing this Shobhana commented: "Oh Ma, your anger is sooo hot. I'm going to die."
Thappa retorted in bengali: "Chup Kor, neka gurl. Don't do this naykami (no english equivalent, used in bengal to give a healthy dose of charm mixed with annoyance)
Ramesh hurt by Thappa and wanting to empress the girls: "The bigjang (Chennai slang for person dressed in Western Hip clothes and using western hair cremes instead of traditional Thaliam) Thappa uses so much Brylcreme his your hand will fill with grese if you touched it.
Alpana: I think I no why Thappa gets away with this he knows the christian aunty (used for a catholic female neighbor who bakes cakes and cookies at home, sometimes make wine too. They normally wear skirts/frocks and dance the salsa. do not like to associate with desis) who lives next to miss Fernandez
Miklha Singh: "OOi! Thappa dont listen to all these PJ's (Poor Jokers, signifying lousy humor) by these panga (pujjabi slang used for an intent to create mischief )
Not wanting any external support Thappa retorted: "Ooi Miklha there Bara to nahin baj Gaye" (Bara baj gaya is to signigy 12 o clock when shikhs seemingly go mad. Many jones are made on sikhs and bara bak gaye. Sikhs can take offence when said by someone they dont know well)
Miklha: "Ooi, there sada saath to nahin baj gaya: (Sada Saath, or half past seven on a clock, signifying erectile disfunction- ise your imagination folks). "Tu ja kar upne demag ki Upgradation kar le" (Upgradation is a curious indian variation for upgrade)
The 7 Habits of Indian Men and Women in Stats
thanks to Kirti
Men:
1. Indian met are extremely busy finding and implementing loophones
2. Although they are so busy they still have time for gori and desi women
3. Altough they have time for women, they dont care for gori's and will normally end with desi's
4. Although they dont care for gori's , they will always fawn when one is around
5. Althogh they have a gori in the vicinity, they will continue to try their luck with other gori's
6. Although they try their luch all around, they get verrry pissed if either of them ignore them
7. Although the women leave them they still do not learn their lessons, and try luck with others
Women:
1. Indian women eare extremely busy wanting indian rights in stats with stats rights at home, with finance
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time to go shopping to buy expensive clothes they do not need
3. although they buy expensive clothes, they complain about their desi rights and never have gud things to wear
4. Although they nevr have anything to wear, they always seem to be better dressed then the men they are with
5. Although they are better dressed then the men, they are never as happy and satisfied with themselves
6. Although they are seemingly lesser satisfied than other women, they need to compensate this unhappiness expensive holidays
7. Although they go for expensive holidays, some friend of their went to a better holiday
Men:
1. Indian met are extremely busy finding and implementing loophones
2. Although they are so busy they still have time for gori and desi women
3. Altough they have time for women, they dont care for gori's and will normally end with desi's
4. Although they dont care for gori's , they will always fawn when one is around
5. Althogh they have a gori in the vicinity, they will continue to try their luck with other gori's
6. Although they try their luch all around, they get verrry pissed if either of them ignore them
7. Although the women leave them they still do not learn their lessons, and try luck with others
Women:
1. Indian women eare extremely busy wanting indian rights in stats with stats rights at home, with finance
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time to go shopping to buy expensive clothes they do not need
3. although they buy expensive clothes, they complain about their desi rights and never have gud things to wear
4. Although they nevr have anything to wear, they always seem to be better dressed then the men they are with
5. Although they are better dressed then the men, they are never as happy and satisfied with themselves
6. Although they are seemingly lesser satisfied than other women, they need to compensate this unhappiness expensive holidays
7. Although they go for expensive holidays, some friend of their went to a better holiday
Why are Indians Not Proud to be Indians
Meet a German and they are proud to be a German and will continue to speak with a strong German accent even 10 years after coming to the US. The same goes for Italians, British, Japanese and most of the developed national folks.
Indians seem to pick up a british accent after stepping into london for two months go back to India and not loose it for the rest of their lives. When other Indians look at them in ouewa (awe) their simple answer is
"Usee I waz in London". We had a friend back in India, before we came to the stats who wore blue velvet jackets and the heaviest Britis aksent that leaked with indianization, but we then new not.
For all you za desi engineers it must to be important to no that gori'sfrom stats like accents. Za indians by the way are indians who grew up muigging two two za four, three three za six and all that fancy maths stuff, four four za eight. I did not go to IIT so I may have got that a little wrong (hee hee). But getting back to the gori's I have met too many that were very impressed with Austrialian accents, british accents and any accent than the american accent. So if accent is so haut, and gori's bautter then why do we hang our sexy cau and bau accent to dry and pick one that is nether statistic nor indian but some embarrasement between what non one nose.
Being stats compatible means living the stats dream. That is going with gori and then finding a traditional with gud dowry and singing her lau songs in english with a guitar or a piano (you cee everyone in india can beat you with songs on tabla and sitar). Aah the gud fortune of finding Seetharamalakshmi Narayanan (alias Sweeti) when you almost died on the spot. She speaks the vernacular, looks like an indian hourglass (very diffrent from a western hourglass you find in taboo), wears the nine yard, can give you a headbath and then rub raasnadi podi followed by yuvar thaila on a sunday afternoon, can make an enthu aumlete, can as easily have a bucket bath and go to a mugga latrine as she can use a bidet and toilet paper, and she never says 'shame shame puppy shame' if you do anything wrong. She nows how to make medoum rare steek as well as she does keerai kootu,toushes pariamma's feet at all occasions and knows in her stats company nows hou to knock back a few glasses of wine, follow it with a swig of rum and coke, bite into a hamburger and then explains how she can rock your soks off it in the stats while wearing a skirt and neckline that is only stats. All the while maintaining her indian politeness of "Dear sir, I observed that you dog was off the leash in the park and pissing on the garbage can. Kindly do the needful" before departing from the scene politely..
While the Germans teach their children German and the Italians Italish or what ever their language is called an average north indian will ensure their kids do not learn any of that native stuff, from which they ran and came to the stat's.
"Stats me Gayo" does not mean failed in Statistics but simply that this Indian will try their best not to look, feel, smell (by note eating desi stuff at home) otherwide dharti phut jaaegi, to fellow desis and their fanci desi parties with kids and parents in the shape of dudes desperately trying to look like anything but indians, unless it is pongl, dewali and other desi stuff
"Aree agar mereko hindi bolni padti to mein stats mein kyun aati"
Major issues of the indian in stats
most husbands do not mind taking a stint in india, most wives cannot imagine being out of stats for any reason
"Are Australia, New Jeeland, Paaris sab to theek hein, tume india he mila"
Belcome to we4indianization and all things indian
Indians seem to pick up a british accent after stepping into london for two months go back to India and not loose it for the rest of their lives. When other Indians look at them in ouewa (awe) their simple answer is
"Usee I waz in London". We had a friend back in India, before we came to the stats who wore blue velvet jackets and the heaviest Britis aksent that leaked with indianization, but we then new not.
For all you za desi engineers it must to be important to no that gori'sfrom stats like accents. Za indians by the way are indians who grew up muigging two two za four, three three za six and all that fancy maths stuff, four four za eight. I did not go to IIT so I may have got that a little wrong (hee hee). But getting back to the gori's I have met too many that were very impressed with Austrialian accents, british accents and any accent than the american accent. So if accent is so haut, and gori's bautter then why do we hang our sexy cau and bau accent to dry and pick one that is nether statistic nor indian but some embarrasement between what non one nose.
Being stats compatible means living the stats dream. That is going with gori and then finding a traditional with gud dowry and singing her lau songs in english with a guitar or a piano (you cee everyone in india can beat you with songs on tabla and sitar). Aah the gud fortune of finding Seetharamalakshmi Narayanan (alias Sweeti) when you almost died on the spot. She speaks the vernacular, looks like an indian hourglass (very diffrent from a western hourglass you find in taboo), wears the nine yard, can give you a headbath and then rub raasnadi podi followed by yuvar thaila on a sunday afternoon, can make an enthu aumlete, can as easily have a bucket bath and go to a mugga latrine as she can use a bidet and toilet paper, and she never says 'shame shame puppy shame' if you do anything wrong. She nows how to make medoum rare steek as well as she does keerai kootu,toushes pariamma's feet at all occasions and knows in her stats company nows hou to knock back a few glasses of wine, follow it with a swig of rum and coke, bite into a hamburger and then explains how she can rock your soks off it in the stats while wearing a skirt and neckline that is only stats. All the while maintaining her indian politeness of "Dear sir, I observed that you dog was off the leash in the park and pissing on the garbage can. Kindly do the needful" before departing from the scene politely..
While the Germans teach their children German and the Italians Italish or what ever their language is called an average north indian will ensure their kids do not learn any of that native stuff, from which they ran and came to the stat's.
"Stats me Gayo" does not mean failed in Statistics but simply that this Indian will try their best not to look, feel, smell (by note eating desi stuff at home) otherwide dharti phut jaaegi, to fellow desis and their fanci desi parties with kids and parents in the shape of dudes desperately trying to look like anything but indians, unless it is pongl, dewali and other desi stuff
"Aree agar mereko hindi bolni padti to mein stats mein kyun aati"
Major issues of the indian in stats
most husbands do not mind taking a stint in india, most wives cannot imagine being out of stats for any reason
"Are Australia, New Jeeland, Paaris sab to theek hein, tume india he mila"
Belcome to we4indianization and all things indian
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